My Little Poppy Seed #5

Tags

Just thoughts, Miscarriage

 

My Little Poppy Seed #1

My Little Poppy Seed #2

My Little Poppy Seed #3

My Little Poppy Seed #4

I am overwhelmed by the kind responses of my friends here..

We see women suffering from miscarriages but never openly talk about it..hence the need to write these posts..

I wonder why??Right from the time of conception to the scans till the delivery it’s a hushed up secret affair, atleast here in India, where peope believe it’s inauspicious to reveal it to outsiders..

Here was the story of a woman who suffered similarly and went through the painful process  silently and alone, who post surgery was told by people to stop over reacting as it was just an embryo.. cause, “IT” did not even have a heart beat..(That was sooo mean😡 )

The loss of a child is only known to a mother..Be it an embryo or a grown up adult..

Epilogue..
She was ecstatic when she discovered she was pregnant again..

7 months down the lane, saw her recovering and not loosing hope..

Now all happy and on the way to becoming a mommy again..

6 months preggo with her new Pumpkin, yet she hasn’t been able to forget her little poppy seed..

A year since the surgery, so the need to tell the story to let the little one know He/She will never be forgotten..

Happy smiles and huggz to the new mommy to be..💞💞💞

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My Little Poppy Seed #4

Tags

Just thoughts, Miscarriage

 

My Little Poppy Seed #1

My Little Poppy Seed #2

My Little Poppy Seed #3

She opened her eyes,drowsily,  to find her family standing beside her hospital bed..

She felt a sharp piercing pain radiating through her abdomen..

Groggy eyed and heavily sedated, the pain was still unbearable..

She called out  to the attending nurse for some pain killers, but her voice was hardly audible.. 

She went back into a deep slumber..

Lying in her hospital recovery room she was wide awake now..

It had taken her nearly 2 hours to come to her senses post surgery..

She felt the pain.. This pain was nothing compared to the emotional pain she had just endured..

The pain of loosing her poppy seed.. She felt  her abdomen..Though just a couple of months pregnant  and  not yet showing she could still sense a feeling of being void..

She could not even cry out loud as she was surrounded by her family members..

She did not wanto hurt them.. She had picturised herself being surrounded by them post her delivery when all would have come to visit her and see her new born poppy seed..

And now nothing was left.. She just remembered  being wheeled into the surgery and injected and she was out, her poppy seed was gone..

Gone forever..

My Little Poppy seed #3

Tags

Just thoughts, Miscarriage

 

My Little Poppy seed #1

My Little Poppy seed #2

She set out positively for her scan after a week and half, hoping the medicines had helped, hoping her poppy seed had developed more by now..

At 9 weeks.. She had the terrible symptoms of morning sickness in full flow .. But she hadn’t lost hope.. She would stay positive for her poppy seed she thought..

Yet again the scanning procedure was to follow.. She lay down hopefully and waited calmly..

The radiologist was quiet  again.. 1-2-3 minutes and she waited unable to move or breathe.. Finally the doc spoke up..

“I am sorry.. There is no heartbeat yet and the foetus has not grown..”

He turned the monitor to show her the image.. She could just see the gestational  sac enclosing the embryo which she felt had grown beyond the previous size and yet no heartbeat!! ?? She felt her world collapse..

So shattered..

She just held her breath and could not help the tears flowing down her cheeks..

Her poppy seed hadn’t grown over the past 10days!!

No it couldn’t be so..She had imagined to see her poppy seed with a tiny  heart, beating rapidly..

This could not be true..

The doc was kind to her and let her recover from her shock.. She dressed in a daze and was seated quietly in the waiting room, awaiting the reports..
When they did come she glanced at it, it was gut wrenching..

The report!!!That line!! “Suggestive of intrauterine  embryonic demise!!!”

She felt so miserable reading it.. Her poppy seed was dead..plain and simple dead!!

She bust out crying.. How could the little one give up.. She hadn’t given up yet.. Flashes of thoughts passed by..

The time she took out the the kit..

The two pink lines..

The first scan..

The embryo growing into a foetus..And now all  was gone..

Nothing left to love or talk too..  She did not know the reason..the cause!!

It was a case of plain simple Missed miscarriage..

She had to rush home.. Yes she had to.. This wasn’t true she felt..

The following week saw her having a series of consultation with her doc and finding no hope left and the only option being surgery or what’s called in medical terms as DnC ( Dilatation and Curettage)..

My Little Poppy seed #2

Tags

Just thoughts, Miscarriage

My Little Poppy seed #1

A month had elapsed since  the test..She was already experiencing severe bouts of morning sickness..
The sight or smell of food was just unbearable.. Not to forget the constant  bouts of vomiting..
She was drained and stressed..

Every morning was a terror..
She had read about first trimester miscarriages being common, constantly looking out for any spotting and being releived on finding none..

She had her first  gynac visit and her first scan and all that could be seen was a small gestational sac,  followed by the routine blood tests..

Every day was spent in talking to her little embryo which by now  must have grown to the size of a poppy seed..

She knew it was too early for the embryo to sense anything but yet she was so excited she couldn’t stop talking to the new life within her..

She had planned her future.. All her unanswered  questions had vanished..

She suddenly felt mature.. Was it the poppy seed or the hormones raging through her?!

She had to constantly remind herself that she was going to have a baby, so a lifestyle change had to set in..

7 weeks and she went for her second scan.. She hoped and prayed  to God for everything to be alright..

7 weeks!! The time the embryo sets about having an heartbeat.. One of the first things to occur.. The beauty of nature and human development..

She lay on the examination couch, the radiologist went ahead with the initial detailing, history and questions..

She waited with baited breath..2-3-4 minutes the time seemed to move at a snails pace..
The radiologist turned the monitor towards her and said there is your baby.. It’s about 5.7mm in size but and she stopped there..
Her heart was racing.. But what..She asked  the doc to speak up.. But what??!! She was almost on the verge of tears..
The radiologist spoke.. “But NO HEART BEAT yet.. Maybe a missed miscarriage!!”
A missed what?? She thought.. No this could not be true.. Why her?? Why only her?? No her baby will have a heartbeat she thought..

It was too early and she had read of foetuses developing a  heartbeat at 9 and 10 weeks also..
She would not give up hope.. She would stay positive she thought and dressed up..
She was eventually put on medications to help sustain her pregnancy and was asked to review a week later..
She had not lost hope.. She looked at the scan everyday and told her little poppy seed, as she had grown to call the foetus inside her..
“You will have a heartbeat baby, very soon you will.. you have too..”
Thus she kept assuring herself and her little poppy seed..

My Little Poppy seed #1

Tags

Just thoughts, Miscarriage

Hey everyone…🙋

My posts have always been me, trying to share Gyaans and random talks but today I would like to share a 4 part series, written from the heart..✍

A topic which sadly no one talks about, when it is most essential for a woman to speak up and share..😔
So here is one post a day, in succession..💌
( Something which I haven’t done before )
Written about a year ago..I finally felt like posting it..so do read along..

She looked out of the window..
Peeping through to absorb the little morning rays which were just emerging..

She hadn’t slept the whole night..
The constant thought kept troubling her..
What would it be?? Is it too soon?? Will she be able to deal with it?? How would HE react?? Will she be able to manage things??The constant thought kept her up the whole night..

She woke up hurriedly and couldn’t wait to test..
She walked by to the refrigerator where her kit was kept since a month..
She quietly  picked it up..
Not wanting to disturb her sleeping husband, that’s when she saw the morning rays and stood staring into the horizon, lost in thought..

The alarm clock brought her back to the present and to the task that lay ahead..
She hesitantly walked up to the  bathroom and pulled out the strip.. Put in the drops as advised and not wanting to know the outcome more out of fear, she carried on with her morning activities..

After having finished her kitchen chores and hastily gulping down her morning tea, she walked back hesitantly to the bathroom..
The  instructions had said 5 minutes, Here more than half an hour had elapsed..

She walked slowly, hopeful yet fearfully..Pushed aside the bath door and stared at the sink where the testing strip was placed..
Was it true??!!
She could not believe her eyes..It indeed was!! Staring back at her were two dark pink lines!!

She just stopped short of swooning..She could not believe her eyes..
Finally her dream came true..

She was pregnant!!! For the first time!! She was soo ecstatic!!

She rushed to her sleeping husband, woke him up and told him the good news..
Both hugged and their happiness knew no bounds..
It seemed like all the unanswered  questions just vanished..

She went back and looked at the strip.. She just could not believe what she was seeing..

A first time for her, so she was overjoyed..
Unable to believe what was happening, She repeated the test again the next day and same two dark pink lines were found..
She indeed was pregnant!!

She spread her hand over her tummy and spoke to the little developing  embryo..
“Welcome to the world little one..!!”